Is this thing on? You bet it is.
October 27th, 2005 | Published in Miscellany | 23 Comments
I scored this domain name, if I’m not mistaken, way back in 2001. My original plan was to slowly build a site that would become a vibrant community for young, talented writers and progressive thinkers, a modern-day, online version of the Algonquin Round Table or Gertrude Stein’s salon. Ideas would bounce freely back and forth, vigorous debates would take seed, revolutions would be born. I merely wanted to be the catalyst.
In the years since that night, I have clung to the domain without really even considering what I should do with it. I just didn’t want you to have it. Most of that time I was hard at work at my real job, editing two national motorcycle magazines. The rest of the time I was drunk. There was probably some overlap in there too.
But here we are at last. And by “we” I mean “me.” Actually, in that context, I would mean “I.” Yes, here I are at last. Cigarettes and Coffee is officially online, and I look forward to watching Cigs, as I suddenly like to call it, evolve into whatever it will eventually evolve into, unless I lose interest in it like I did the saxophone, watercolor painting, backyard astronomy, woodworking, fiction writing, the trumpet, ice hockey, and to a large extent, myself. But I think we both know that won’t happen.
You can look forward to many changes in the near future. For one, this piss-poor layout and design will get an upgrade. For two, I’ll be adding plenty of interesting and useful links, many of them not related to hardcore Bulgarian pornography. Thirdly … well, you should be okay with two for now. Don’t be so high-maintenance.
Some of you may be asking, “Does the world really need another blog?” And to you I say, “I can see that you are already eating shit, so I have no further advice for you, except perhaps to expire once you’ve had your fill.” As for the rest of you, dear friends, I tell you with all due humility that I still hope to achieve my original goals: to inspire, to provoke, to enlighten. In the coming months and years we will laugh together and cry together. We will start laughing, only to realize that we have nothing to laugh about, and then start crying. And vice versa. Perhaps on occasion we will just sit and stare blankly at each other and wonder if we were ever really in love at all. But then we’ll have passionless, through-the-motions sex and not talk about it for another six months.
Welcome, then, to the gasping, screaming, red-faced newborn that is Cigarettes and Coffee. Sure, it was born already addicted to crack, but we like its chances. Then again, we’re seven different kinds of high right now, so I wouldn’t take our word for it.
October 27th, 2005at 9:25 pm(#)
hi jeff
October 28th, 2005at 1:59 am(#)
No wisecracks… this sounds good.
October 28th, 2005at 10:12 am(#)
This is pure shit right here. Just pure shit. The good stuff, not homogenized or fortified or refined, not a good source of nutrients like the cereal that goes with an orange, a glass of juice and some toast in the “balanced complete breakfast” that all the cereal boxes tout but no one ever makes unless they’re at the Holiday Inn and it’s free. No, this is nothing like that. This isn’t on the rocks or a mixed with soda. This isn’t the crappy, laced cocaine from the street, it’s the pure stuff Crocket and Tubs used to find. This isn’t contents may settle during shipping. This isn’t enlarged to show shape and texture. This isn’t “no comment,” “main stream,” or “market researched.”
It’s just pure fucking shit.
October 28th, 2005at 11:20 am(#)
I like a lot of things about Jeff. I like the fact that no matter how sad I get, Jeff’s always sadder. And if I feel blasé about life, Jeff’s so disheartened by it all that he’s in the process of evaporation. And if I’m angry, I have only to instant message to find out that Jeff–or JK, as I know him–is in a white-hot rage. (That last part isn’t true. White-hot rage takes a lot of energy.) What I’m trying to say is that Jeff stoically stands guard between me and the edge of a high cliff, at the bottom of which is the very bottom. He doesn’t mean to do it–he probably doesn’t even like me much–and he isn’t stoic in the same way that, say, stoic people are, but he really is my radon test in the basement. He’s the air guage on my scuba gear. He’s my pop-up thermometer in a cold, loose-skinned turkey. He stands at the edge of my highway of doubt and despair wearing a t-shirt that reads, “It could get a whole lot worse.” Also, he helps me copy edits things, which is why I find it so frightening that he left out an important comma in paragraph two, last line: “in there, too.” Obviously he’s really and truly falling apart, and I can’t image this blog will help much.
October 28th, 2005at 11:36 am(#)
Laurel, of course I like you.
As for the comma, I refer you to the Chicago Manual of Style Q&A page, specifically the entry that begins “Please help clarify a debate….”
http://www.press.uchicago.edu/Misc/Chicago/cmosfaq/cmosfaq.Commas.html
Keep an eye out for my new T-shirt, “Oh shit, it just got worse.”
JK
October 28th, 2005at 1:29 pm(#)
Don’t the three of you have jobs somewhere that require pretty pictures and concentration? Time to get a time clock.
October 28th, 2005at 2:26 pm(#)
My employer, ladies and gentlemen. DC, I assure you that the blog will never, ever, not in a million years, interfere with my work. Except for right now.
I would get that time clock, but I don’t think they make one that doesn’t have an “off” switch. Ouch!
Please don’t fire me.
October 28th, 2005at 5:06 pm(#)
Fuggin’ brilliant, Jeff.
October 28th, 2005at 5:52 pm(#)
JK,
Well done, sir. I now have some added content to peruse between the sparsely updated Blogandt. He was much more on the edge when he was semi-homeless, milking another 20,000 miles out of the Tacoma, and had massive blue balls from the lack of relief. (Sidebar: Weege is still my hero!)
I’ve always felt some of man’s best work is at the unforgiving hands of desperation, and I like where this train is heading.
Be well, my friend.
October 28th, 2005at 5:58 pm(#)
You have a link to the Toon Army NYC fan club???? Are you a Toon fan? I thought Man U were posh with a Surrey supporters club…lol!
October 28th, 2005at 6:08 pm(#)
Rich,
Yes, I’m a Toon fan. I even have Gazza’s Let’s Have a Party on CD, featuring his immortal renditions of “Fog on the Tyne” and “Geordie Boy.”
Howay the lads,
JK
October 28th, 2005at 6:35 pm(#)
I bet you were screwing with this pretentious cry for help instead of editing my story yesterday. You remember…the one that didn’t get online till like, 5:00pm? At least this is an excuse worth its salt for all of the errors it has every week too. Thanks for the love, sweet tits.
…I have a great story for you! I am going to Vegas soon, because after last night I know for a FACT that I one lucky son of a bitch. I’ll wait a week and check the crowd in here and see if its safe to be honest.
This is a cool deal here, mate. You’re a genious. Really.
October 28th, 2005at 6:35 pm(#)
I somehow sense something or things whizzing overhead, but I can’t quite make them out. I wonder if this is internal or external fog… in any case, I’m quite amused and looking forward to stopping by here often. Is there an RSS feed?
October 28th, 2005at 11:05 pm(#)
blogs are for nerds.
October 28th, 2005at 11:21 pm(#)
I couldn’t have made the Mugwear Jeff T-shirts at a better time. Mr. Izer, I do believe we have some work to do.
October 29th, 2005at 2:41 am(#)
Rob Gordon is putting himself out there yet again. As always, I thoroughly enjoy reading the thoughts that trickle from your head to the screen, although it usually takes a good ten or fifteen minutes to fully comprehend them. Sometimes longer.
Keep it up, my friend.
October 29th, 2005at 3:41 am(#)
I’m sorry, but what does all this have to do with the fact that Chelsea owns your very soul?
…*awaits answer*
October 29th, 2005at 6:22 am(#)
i hate nerds. especially ones with blogs.
October 29th, 2005at 12:53 pm(#)
Jeff-
good stuff. Is that Ricky Carmichael that posted earlier? Your reach is far and wide, my friend. I think it is now safe to say to your high school guidance counselor, “Suck it. I WILL amount to something.” Let’s not rush to define what that something is just yet.
In closing, I would love to recite a profound latin quote that stirs the soul and shakes people to their inner core… but I won’t. Actually, I can’t. I don’t have a college education. I did stay at a Holiday Inn last night but it turns out those slick advertisements were bullshit. I got nothing. So, peace out, I guess.
P.S. Would you kindly consider the new monikers CarcinoJeff, Marlbro or Kocan Monoxide?
October 29th, 2005at 2:51 pm(#)
Hello Jeff!
Howay the lads!
http://www.toonarmynyc.com
I’m getting dressed up tonight as a sad mackem bastard!
October 29th, 2005at 4:30 pm(#)
I sit here and read this and think to myself, “Self, this could be pure comedy, or complete tragedy. I’m just not sure which.”
I’ll be overhere reading and learning and occasionally laughing (or crying).
Keep up the fine work, Jeff.
October 29th, 2005at 11:32 pm(#)
JK….I appreciate your “It’s on” reference. Surely DC does too (no comma…lol). Of course ,you know thats when he took the bull by the horns and decided to make his own way. Hopefully you can have the same success, albeit in a more subdued and less mainsteam way. And after reading your contributors posts, I would bet your editorial skills are that much more appreciated…lol. Laurel is hot, Ping is cool, and I watched Andy race 60’s and 80’s in Texas, so I’m a fan of you all. No offense. It’s a message board, not a senior thesis. Anyways, I look forward to reading more of your stories…Larry
November 3rd, 2005at 1:02 pm(#)
This site is far too highbrow for my booze-befuddled brain.
Can you post a link to some hardcore Bulgarian pornography please?